May 16, 2016: An editorial on dating with contagious Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
HHV-6 University Editorial
Dating while Disabled (Uhhhh, with a Contagious Disease)????
Litsa Dremousis has written a an op-ed piece in The Washington Post that raises questions she seems to not even be aware of. The title of the piece, "Dating while disabled: From Day One with someone new, I feel vulnerable" immediately caught our attention.
Ms. Dremousis writes about breaking up with an man who had been her fiance "until two weeks ago." She notes, "when you’re disabled, you feel indebted every day, making dating that much harder than it is for the average person." As we read that sentence we thought, well, yes, especially since you have a contagious illness, Ms. Dremousis. She outlines some of the challenges: "And no matter how fiercely autonomous and intelligent you are, you’re starting each relationship as the one who needs help doing otherwise simple tasks, such as walking downstairs or driving. Even with healthy self-esteem, it’s hard not to feel intensively vulnerable."
We of course wondered about the challenges of the uninfected person without CFS who might end up dating her, someone who might be exposed to a contagious illness that seems to effect every system in the body. Oh, but that's their problem.
Ms. Desmousis is not slacker when it comes to describing CFS. She's not from the "too tired to get out of bed school" of CFS self-description. She writes, " . . . struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome makes me often feel as if I have a powerful flu. I deal with constant temperature fluctuations; extreme sensitivity to light and sound; dangerously low blood pressure; and fatigue so powerful it feels like a Buick is sitting on my chest." And she adds, "I’m unable to stay upright more than a few hours on a good day; for the past several years, I have needed to be wheeled through airports (if you think air travel is a nightmare, try doing it in a wheelchair). And when I’m on a plane or bus, I have to wear a surgical mask because my immune system is so compromised. Twice in recent years, someone else’s cold became my pneumonia."
She writes, "For 24 years I’ve had ME/CFS (formerly known as “chronic fatigue syndrome”), a disabling neuro-immune illness similar in many ways to multiple sclerosis" Imagine if she had written, "For 24 years I’ve had ME/CFS (formerly known as “chronic fatigue syndrome”), a contagious disabling neuro-immune illness similar in many ways to multiple sclerosis and AIDS. "If she had she would have been exiled from the CFS community and The Washington Post would probably not have published the piece in the first place.
But the real bombshell in the piece was what she wrote about Trent, her fiance: "Five days after Trent asked me to marry him, a routine check-up unearthed a brain tumor behind his left ear. A longtime professor, Trent is deeply intelligent and tenacious. We were in love and determined to remain upbeat about his prospects. I took care of him over six months, as we assembled his surgical team, spent a week in the hospital as he underwent and recovered from the successful but complicated brain surgery, and then as he went through months of physical therapy. I was his main source of emotional support, but it took a huge toll on my health."
While we sympathize with Ms Dremousis and Trent, what really turned our head was the possibility that the two of them might have shared something more than their love, namely a virus called . . . drum roll . . . HHV-6. For any newbies visiting HHV-6 University, we have done numerous items on the relationship between HHV-6 and cancer. HHV-6 is very oncogenic. Did we say very?
Did it never dawn on Ms. Dremousis that Trent's brain cancer and her CFS could be virologically related? Is she unread on the subject of CFS. No book in her library by Hillary Johnson or Neenyah Ostrom? No awareness of the New York Native? Really? Ms. Dremousis seems to be some kind of intellectual. She writes, "I give literary readings several times a year and am diligently working on the manuscript for my second book." We suspect she has a library card or access to Amazon.com. What gives?
It is uncanny that Ms. Dremousis notes, "Our relationship became a constant cycle of doctor appointments and medical tests — and the stress eroded the joy we once found in each other. And because everyone asks: Yes, of course we had sex. All the time. Even at my sickest, I’ve been sexually active. I’m disabled, not dead." For anyone familiar to HHV-6, that could be called "sex in an HHV-6 cluster." Otherwise known as the new normal in sex these days, thanks to our NIH and CDC.
The irony burns like Hiroshima when she write, "I remain optimistic. Each relationship I’m in is affected by my health. For instance: Am I strong enough to go to the movies tonight, or should we stay in and watch Netflix? Can we eat breakfast with the curtains open, or are my eyes too light-sensitive this morning? For a relationship to be successful, the person I’m with has to be empathetic and understand that some things are beyond my physical control. Yet so many of these relationships have profoundly enriched my life. I’d be foolish to waste the rest of my life convinced that I won’t find love."
Oh yes, the person she finds had better be empathetic and even downright forgiving because the big unspoken and unmentionable problem is that when she finds love, the person she gets involved with may have found a woman who is infected with a contagious virus that not only can cause Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and cancer but so many other illnesses that this website, which is devoted to reporting on them, now has over 1725 posts (as of this day).
Dating while Disabled (Uhhhh, with a Contagious Disease)????
Litsa Dremousis has written a an op-ed piece in The Washington Post that raises questions she seems to not even be aware of. The title of the piece, "Dating while disabled: From Day One with someone new, I feel vulnerable" immediately caught our attention.
Ms. Dremousis writes about breaking up with an man who had been her fiance "until two weeks ago." She notes, "when you’re disabled, you feel indebted every day, making dating that much harder than it is for the average person." As we read that sentence we thought, well, yes, especially since you have a contagious illness, Ms. Dremousis. She outlines some of the challenges: "And no matter how fiercely autonomous and intelligent you are, you’re starting each relationship as the one who needs help doing otherwise simple tasks, such as walking downstairs or driving. Even with healthy self-esteem, it’s hard not to feel intensively vulnerable."
We of course wondered about the challenges of the uninfected person without CFS who might end up dating her, someone who might be exposed to a contagious illness that seems to effect every system in the body. Oh, but that's their problem.
Ms. Desmousis is not slacker when it comes to describing CFS. She's not from the "too tired to get out of bed school" of CFS self-description. She writes, " . . . struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome makes me often feel as if I have a powerful flu. I deal with constant temperature fluctuations; extreme sensitivity to light and sound; dangerously low blood pressure; and fatigue so powerful it feels like a Buick is sitting on my chest." And she adds, "I’m unable to stay upright more than a few hours on a good day; for the past several years, I have needed to be wheeled through airports (if you think air travel is a nightmare, try doing it in a wheelchair). And when I’m on a plane or bus, I have to wear a surgical mask because my immune system is so compromised. Twice in recent years, someone else’s cold became my pneumonia."
She writes, "For 24 years I’ve had ME/CFS (formerly known as “chronic fatigue syndrome”), a disabling neuro-immune illness similar in many ways to multiple sclerosis" Imagine if she had written, "For 24 years I’ve had ME/CFS (formerly known as “chronic fatigue syndrome”), a contagious disabling neuro-immune illness similar in many ways to multiple sclerosis and AIDS. "If she had she would have been exiled from the CFS community and The Washington Post would probably not have published the piece in the first place.
But the real bombshell in the piece was what she wrote about Trent, her fiance: "Five days after Trent asked me to marry him, a routine check-up unearthed a brain tumor behind his left ear. A longtime professor, Trent is deeply intelligent and tenacious. We were in love and determined to remain upbeat about his prospects. I took care of him over six months, as we assembled his surgical team, spent a week in the hospital as he underwent and recovered from the successful but complicated brain surgery, and then as he went through months of physical therapy. I was his main source of emotional support, but it took a huge toll on my health."
While we sympathize with Ms Dremousis and Trent, what really turned our head was the possibility that the two of them might have shared something more than their love, namely a virus called . . . drum roll . . . HHV-6. For any newbies visiting HHV-6 University, we have done numerous items on the relationship between HHV-6 and cancer. HHV-6 is very oncogenic. Did we say very?
Did it never dawn on Ms. Dremousis that Trent's brain cancer and her CFS could be virologically related? Is she unread on the subject of CFS. No book in her library by Hillary Johnson or Neenyah Ostrom? No awareness of the New York Native? Really? Ms. Dremousis seems to be some kind of intellectual. She writes, "I give literary readings several times a year and am diligently working on the manuscript for my second book." We suspect she has a library card or access to Amazon.com. What gives?
It is uncanny that Ms. Dremousis notes, "Our relationship became a constant cycle of doctor appointments and medical tests — and the stress eroded the joy we once found in each other. And because everyone asks: Yes, of course we had sex. All the time. Even at my sickest, I’ve been sexually active. I’m disabled, not dead." For anyone familiar to HHV-6, that could be called "sex in an HHV-6 cluster." Otherwise known as the new normal in sex these days, thanks to our NIH and CDC.
The irony burns like Hiroshima when she write, "I remain optimistic. Each relationship I’m in is affected by my health. For instance: Am I strong enough to go to the movies tonight, or should we stay in and watch Netflix? Can we eat breakfast with the curtains open, or are my eyes too light-sensitive this morning? For a relationship to be successful, the person I’m with has to be empathetic and understand that some things are beyond my physical control. Yet so many of these relationships have profoundly enriched my life. I’d be foolish to waste the rest of my life convinced that I won’t find love."
Oh yes, the person she finds had better be empathetic and even downright forgiving because the big unspoken and unmentionable problem is that when she finds love, the person she gets involved with may have found a woman who is infected with a contagious virus that not only can cause Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and cancer but so many other illnesses that this website, which is devoted to reporting on them, now has over 1725 posts (as of this day).
